As I have mentioned in
previous blog entries, almost immediately after Max died I began to research
death. During one online search I came across some uplifting quotes and
followed their link to a website, The Compassionate Friends.
The Compassionate
Friends is a world wide group of parents that have lived through the
unimaginable, the death of their child. I looked through the site and saw that
there was a chapter located fairly close to my home that met on the second
Wednesday of every month.
I made a mental note of this
and continued my quest for information on the afterlife. At that time I didn’t
feel that I needed any more ‘compassionate friends’…this was a mere week or two
after Max’s death and I was surrounded by friends, all of them very
compassionate.
About 3 weeks later I was
sent advice from a Facebook friend that had lost her son years earlier. The
advice was a link to The Compassionate Friends site with a short note letting
me know that I wasn’t alone.
I recognized the site and
decided to put the upcoming meeting into my calendar, thinking that if I was
feeling up to it when the time came, perhaps I would go.
A week later, my phone chimed
letting me know that the meeting was in 2 hours. I didn’t feel much like going.
I didn’t know what to expect and I didn’t have anyone to go with me. Max’s step
dad is a textbook example of someone who internalizes everything so the idea of
him discussing grief with strangers was out of the question. My parents weren’t
really a viable choice because they were in such a dark place over losing Max
that the entire event would have turned into something for them instead of
something for me.
As I debated this I went back
to my computer and read Max’s Facebook page.
I couldn’t bear it.
The comments.
The photos that had been
posted.
The dreaded RIP posts.
My heart was ripped from my
chest. I began gasping for air. Not crying, just finding it impossible to
breath.
Max had died???
Max had died.
If there were other people
that had survived what I was feeling then I had to meet them.
About 5 minutes into the 20
minute drive a black 4 door Honda Civic with tinted windows and black rims sped
past me.
A replica of the car that Max once drove.
I couldn’t take my eyes off
of it.
This car led me to my exit,
turned right just before I did, and while I was looking left to make sure I was
clear to turn, it disappeared.
It could have gone into the
gas station that was just up ahead, or turned onto the only street that was
anywhere close to the freeway off ramp.
Or it could have been Max,
guiding me to exactly where he wanted me to be...
Because that night I met a
woman who is now one of my closest friends and was given the name and number
for a psychic medium who would, eventually, save my life.
They asked me at the meeting
that night how I came to find the organization and I mentioned the website and
my Facebook friend.
I thought that if I mentioned
the car that I had essentially followed to the meeting that they would think I
was nuts. Hell, even I thought it was just a crazy coincidence.
Since then I have enjoyed two
Worldwide Candle Lighting ceremonies, one National Convention and numerous
meetings with The Compassionate Friends Organization. I have met amazing
parents who have lost their children to cancer, overdose, heart irregularities,
gun shots, suicide, murder…they have lost infants, teenagers, adults…with one
thing in common, they are a parent that has survived the death of their child.
And in some strange way they
are my people now.
I have never been judged in
the sanctity of a meeting because my son died from overdose. I have never been
made to feel like my loss was less than another’s because of the circumstances
revolving his death.
And moreover, if asked today
how I came to find The Compassionate Friends Organization, I have been given
the strength to smile and say...Max led me there.
