Something about your death is still unbelievable to me. My emotions come in waves. Are you really gone?
People are concerned for my well being. I tell them I am fine.
People say I'm strong.
They don't know me. Inside I ache.
How am I suppose to make my life into something that I know you won't be a part of? If I stay in this place, in this moment, then I don't get farther away from you. I hate to think that you are forever still. As the world changes you are stuck in time. You will never be anything but 20 years old. People will grow older. Lives will change...new memories will be made and you will be still. Just an image. Moving forward means moving on without you. It's as if I have hit pause on my life. If I "un-pause" myself the story will continue to be written without you and that concept is eating me away inside. I just want to remain still...in this moment...close to you...my beautiful son. I miss you. I'm mad at you. I'm lost without you.
And I don't know how to find my way back...no, I don't want to find my way back...to a life without you.
I love you,
mama
No comments:
Post a Comment